busy busy

tomorrow's gonna be a big busy day... after countless lessons, i'm going to a new members' meeting after my evening lesson. i've joined a community made of lots of people in the city who just like to hang out and do things. so tomorrow, i'll meet some of them. i'm looking forward to it!

the wedding

was in Grenoble for a wedding yesterday. it was great, if a little long. S., whose wedding it was, wanted us to be there for the civil service, so she told us to be there at around 1pm. i had to pick up 3 girls on the way, so we left quite early. after the service, we went to take pictures in the park. then there was the church service, very moving, followed by some drinks and nibbles, which we jumped upon, considering how little we'd had to eat since breakfast. we made our way to the reception, where we all let go of helium-filled balloons before sitting down for dinner. luckily, i was sitting next to a friend of mine, A., but unluckily, i was also sitting next to my boss. luckily or not, she didn't stay long with us, preferring to throw herself at the only nice man around, who, i think, was galant enough to take it without a fuss, but was not, i think overly impressed. she was pretty drunk, and her daughter, who was also there, and who was really nice, got quite upset at her mother's lack of inhibition. the guy in question was Australian, the groom's best friend, and a good ten years younger than my boss. we got talking when we'd both rushed up to the groom, M., who'd been sitting all alone for a good five minutes. M. introduced us and then left, leaving us talking a good five minutes. he was really nice, but by then it was already quite clear that my boss was smitten, and i really didn't want to create a fuss, at work. no worries though, i had lots of fun, danced around a lot, mostly without my shoes. the other unknown people at the table were 2 really nice couples, whom i got on really well with. they also came from Geneva, so i'm sure i'll get to meet them again (actually, i know, seen as one of them works in a company i go to teach at twice a week). it was a great wedding. we left at 2.30 and i eventually got home just before 5am, having dropped off 2 friends on the way.

okinawan castle

one place i really loved in Okinawa was this castle. Okinawan culture is actually not really Japanese. it's much more Chinese, and the costumes are Indonesian-like. a real melting pot, really... it was weird to hear everyone speak Japanese, but to be in a totally different frame of mind. and the food is nothing like mainland food either!

Shurijou

end of dating game

when i tell people i'm actively looking for a boyfriend, they say i'll find one when i'm not looking. which i love, cos i spent a lot of time not looking, and nothing ever really happened (despite there having been possibilities - but they all vanished into thin air). so i decided to take matters into my own hands, and i've spent over 6 months meeting people on the net. on the positive side, i met some of them for real. but so far, i'm still at ground zero. and then, i see my friends, who were more or less looking for someone, or not, and suddenly, they've all met someone and while there's nothing really serious going on yet, they seem well on the way there.

obviously, nothing i do works, whether i do nothing or lots. this is why i'm giving up.

a pretty good day

first, my favourite student told me about how he loved my lessons, how much he'd learned, and had enjoyed himself in the last three months (it was the last time i saw him, this morning). it's very sad to see him leave, cos he's one of those people who's just genuinely really nice and lovable (and gorgeous, but let's not even think about that). and, let's face it, how many 27-year-olds do you know who regret not having children yet??? keeping in touch.

anyway, then i got the feedback from the class observation that took place last week. the strictest member of staff had come in to check i was teaching well, and it was quite scary, cos she's really strict and the last time she'd observed me...well, it didn't go down too well. she had said she'd loved the class, just afterwards, but i wasn't prepared for what she said. she'd basically considered most fields to check to be 'excellent', which had even shocked my very lenient supervisor. i was shocked too. i kept waiting for the big 'but', but nothing came. from one end to the other, she kept praising me and telling me how she'd love to come to my class on a regular basis and mentioned everything i did, which to me is totally normal, cos i do it everyday, as something amazing (which seriously makes me question my colleagues' teaching methods). anyway, it was really nice to get such positive feedback, considering all the work that goes into my classes (which everyone keeps pointing out is too much).

and then, having 3 hrs to spare before the following lesson, i finally got some shopping done. i hate shopping. luckily, i found a few things i liked, and i felt really good. now i will hopefully not need to walk into another shop for another year or so...

down day

sometimes i just wonder why i bother

what you get when 3 English teachers meet up...

so, last night i met up with a couple of friends, and we had a wonderful time. we spent most of the evening laughing our heads off (at me, mostly, but then, i love to be entertaining), it was quite amazing. we'd never gone out just the three of us, and it turns out the combination's quite a killer. after some time in one of my favourite bars, we had Ethiopan food for dinner, and it was good. no cutlery, eat it with the bread. which was fine, and fun, and very messy, as the said bread kept crumbling in our fingers! we had loads of fun with that. we were going to have a last drink by the lake, but it had started raining again, so we headed for another place and had more fun there, debating the undebatable (S. said she couldn't answer the question 'what would you do if aliens landed on Earth?' cos there wouldn't be the slightest chance she'd get to meet them and so it wasn't relevant; she also thought N.'s answer to the question 'if you could meet anyone alive or dead, who would it be?', (he said God) was not an option, as God was neither alive nor dead. nor existed.). we were just reviewing the week's lessons...

there was once....

there was once a boy who followed me home from school. at the time, it freaked the hell out of me, because of a traumatic experience i'd had a couple of years earlier. it wasn't his fault, just really bad timing. looking back, i realise that, had the situation not been what it was, it would have worked. i would have let him in, we would probably have become a couple. what he did was exactly the sort of thing i would have dreamed of. at the end of the day, it was incredibly brave of him. i did tell him to go home several times, on the way between my bus stop and my house, but he didn't waver. he was determined.

this last week's been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster, and it's reminded me of this unforgettable day. right now it seems that, no matter how determined i am, i still can't make heads or tails of my love life. so i'm wondering, what am i doing wrong? how far does one go, to find out what exactly is happening? when are you going too far, and when have you not tried hard enough? when do you, or should you, give up?

where i'd like to be right now...

i was here/there (Miyazaki prefecture) just 3 years ago, and it's one of the most beautiful places i've ever seen. with my father, we took one of the small boats and rowed around, trying to avoid landing under the waterfalls. it was great. i'd love to be somewhere that peaceful right now. there are some things you just get really tired of, and it's one of those days, so i'm dreaming of the gorge again...

the gorgeous gorge

flower friends

my friend came over for dinner last night and she brought me these. aren't they lovely? and they smell really nice too... wine is way overrated.

nice, heh?

knowing me & knowing you

how well do we know ourselves? having spent most of my teens questioning everything i thought and did, i believe i know myself quite well, thank you very much. the real question, i think, is how well do others know you? now that's a totally different kettle of fish. most of us do things because people expect us to. so if you started off showing everyone you were always on top of things, it's really difficult if you suddenly don't feel that way, cos if you let your image slip, well... it's hard. you don't want people to be disappointed in you, to think you can't do stuff. so it's really unnerving when someone tells you exactly how you are. and is right. i remember the first time it happened. it was my maths teacher, when i was 16, telling my father stuff about me that my father said was ridiculous. all the while, i was staring at my teacher, wondering how the hell she'd found out, and how, if she could see it, my father couldn't.

other people know, of course, but there's not all that many. less than a handfull. and while my best friend S. knows all of me (she's the same), noone had talked to me like my maths teacher did until last night. like they cared. don't get me wrong, it's not like noones else cares, or like there's a huge problem. there really isn't. it's just that when other people want what's best for you, and i mean really do, it's quite incredible. and rare. and in those moments, all you can do, i think, is feel incredibly lucky to have the friends you have.

date no.4 - part 2

so, the guy i met last Saturday wanted to see me again. we met last night. well, late afternoon. we went to a park i'd often said i'd go to, but it being on the other side of the lake (all of 20mns drive away if the traffic's good), i'd never made it that far. and of course, i was waiting in the wrong spot. no worries, though: he found me.

so we walked around, then sat ourselves in the grass and talked. it was all nice. he was still very attentive and generally, everything was pretty perfect. the only thing is, i'm really not attracted to him. i thought it was simply cos we hadn't had much time last week, and maybe that's still the case, but if you don't, at any point in time in this reasonably romantic setting, want to kiss the guy... well what can i say? i feel terrible, cos he seems really nice. on top of that, i had this dream last night, in which he was stalking me. i know it's totally stupid, but dreams have a huge effect on me (i once started hating a guy based solely on a bad dream), so now i'm even less inclined to try further... i just have to find a way of breaking it to him gently.

date no. 4

i'm becoming quite an expert at this whole blind date thing. the guy i met today had been a little worried we wouldn't find each other, but it went just fine. he was really nice, asked me lots of questions, seemed generally happy to be there. he's a computer engineer who likes all kinds of dancing (ballroom, salsa, rock), spent a year in Pennsylvania, and seems generally nice and happy. we unfortunately had very little time, as i couldn't meet him before 6 and he had to leave at 7. still, we had a good time.

so out of all these men, i've spent the most time with the Canadian one, and possibly, we have the most in common, although the guy i met today made up for it in enthusiasm. we'll just have to see...