knowing me & knowing you

how well do we know ourselves? having spent most of my teens questioning everything i thought and did, i believe i know myself quite well, thank you very much. the real question, i think, is how well do others know you? now that's a totally different kettle of fish. most of us do things because people expect us to. so if you started off showing everyone you were always on top of things, it's really difficult if you suddenly don't feel that way, cos if you let your image slip, well... it's hard. you don't want people to be disappointed in you, to think you can't do stuff. so it's really unnerving when someone tells you exactly how you are. and is right. i remember the first time it happened. it was my maths teacher, when i was 16, telling my father stuff about me that my father said was ridiculous. all the while, i was staring at my teacher, wondering how the hell she'd found out, and how, if she could see it, my father couldn't.

other people know, of course, but there's not all that many. less than a handfull. and while my best friend S. knows all of me (she's the same), noone had talked to me like my maths teacher did until last night. like they cared. don't get me wrong, it's not like noones else cares, or like there's a huge problem. there really isn't. it's just that when other people want what's best for you, and i mean really do, it's quite incredible. and rare. and in those moments, all you can do, i think, is feel incredibly lucky to have the friends you have.