dating

i met this guy last week and thought he was very intelligent and quite funny, so i sent him an email to see if he wanted to have drinks sometime. which he was instantly up for. so we met up, had drinks, then dinner, then after-dinner drinks, after which, if i'd been in any doubt that he liked me, well, i wasn't anymore!

however, i didn't feel it. it, the thing i was supposed to feel. i knew this after the first date, and the first and later kisses, but i thought i should at least give it a try. in many ways, he was really great and it was probably because i barely knew him that i wasn't feeling it, and once i knew him better, it would all work out. but after three dates, i wasn't thinking i couldn't wait to go home with him. i was thinking that despite our conversations and all his lovely attentions (really lovely) and all my blushing at his compliments, i didn't know what to say to him and i just wanted to go home and sleep.

i decided to be honest and told him how i felt. he made some valid points about me putting too much pressure on us both, and about other things, too. but there were also some things he wasn't getting and i've been there before and that kind of attitude just doesn't work for me. so maybe i did sabotage it, but i'd like to think that if i did, it was for my own good. maybe my hopes, dreams and expectations are completely unrealistic but honestly, i only feel relief right now.