still clueless

so, i'm once again at a loss and will obviously never get it. this guy spends hours talking to me, just me (i mean, there was just us for the longest time), and flirting, all the way, big time, three days in a row. i'm not kidding: when we were in public, S. and Mr. J. felt quite left out, apparently. and how many times did i want to kiss him? ...many. but then we were not alone and i chickened out. and then, when i was all ready to go, while still lovely and charming and apparently no different, he suddenly seemed...well, uninterested. it was weird. i gave him loads of opportunities, the kinds that he was probably expecting on saturday night, but nothing. just a smile every time i made my point. so, on our way up to pool from the bar, i had to mention it. he confirmed that he'd realised i liked him. when i asked him if this was good or bad, he said both. good cos it was great to be liked but... 'damn!', said i, smiling but very disappointed inside. i asked him, if that was the case, why had he been flirting with me all this time? had he?, was his question. anyway, he surely hoped this wouldn't change anything: and we'd still be able to talk till 5am. what do guys think? does he really believe it'll happen again? i was dead, and the only reason i stayed up all that time, was because i was interested. i mean, our conversation was really great, and to be honest, i told him things i'd never said out loud before, but i'd have gone to bed at 2 when everyone else left if i hadn't liked him.

why don't men get it? they think it's all fun and games, but somewhere, some people get hurt. i could have. i'll admit he had me charmed. completely. and it was really nice. and now i wonder how long he would have strung me along - without meaning to, we've agreed with S., who was nice enough to say that he was obviously a terrible flirt but didn't realise it. it made me feel vindicated.