bad dreams

it all started when i was about 4: one night, i dreamt my mother was dead and it felt very real. i was screaming and crying and my father had to shake me awake, find out what was wrong and when telling me it was a nightmare didn't calm me down, had to take me to their bedroom for me to see that my mother was still alive and well.

i have since 'often' dreamt that a member of my family (including the dogs and, amazingly, myself) had died, and they are not happy dreams. sometimes they are nightmares, the scary and sometimes bloody type. more often, they are just dreams where someone happens to die. i must have had about 15 or more of those dreams through the years. most of the time, i actually know that it's a dream while i'm dreaming it, but it's hard for me to wake up, despite trying to. sometimes, though, it feels so real that i have to check people are alive and well. last week, i dreamt that both my mother and sister died, and while i knew it was a dream because my mother was already dead, i still worried about my sister until i saw that she was active online.

i don't know what it all means, but i've had several such dreams recently (the latest one being last night), and it's just not fun. my sister says she think it's because i either worry too much about them or have issues. yes, that really clears it up...