Martha's Way vs Maxine's Way

a friend recently emailed me this. it's quite hilarious. my only question is, who is Maxine??

Martha's Way* versus Maxine's Way^

* Just put a marshmallow in the bottom of the cone to keep it

from dripping on you.
^ Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for
Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your
feet up eating it, anyway!

* To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag
with the potatoes.
^ Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry
for up to a year.

* When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a
bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white
mess on the outside of the cake.
^ Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

* If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cook-
ing, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess
salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
^ If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too
bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made
it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

* Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the

refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
^ Celery? Never heard of it!

* Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking
to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
* The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brush-
ing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

* Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it
on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
^ Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

* If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex

dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes

opening jars easy.
^ Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

* Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice
cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
^ Leftover wine??? HELLO!