stop thinking

my sister's advice. which i'd gladly follow, cos it's not like i haven't thought about it quite a few times. but i can't. it was always bad, and it's getting worse. for a few weeks now, i've felt the neurons physically hitting each other in my brain, so much i think. and it's painful. not the kind of pain that aspirin takes away. the kind that i felt when my Grinberg method man was 'massaging' my head (more like pressing on where it was hurting). it's like a slow and very contained explosion right in the centre of my brain - although right now this second, it seems to have migrated to the upper right hand side. and i don't know how to stop it. i've tried repeating a mantra over and over again, which used to work (but hasn't since i had that song stuck in my head all night in the moutains 2 weeks ago, and thus didn't sleep). not anymore. and i'm completely incapable of thinking of nothing, like a blank/empty space. not possible. never was. and although i now seem to manage to put myself to sleep although i worry about stuff, there are times where i really lose all perspective and my thoughts seem to wage an internal war against each other in my head.

right, i'm going swimming. maybe that'll help.